gamble

"saya bukan Along, saya cuma nak tolong"
(translation: i am not loan shark, i am just trying to help)

Not long ago, i got an unidentified call from a lady. She called many times, because the first few calls got disconnected. She spoke hokkien, and her first question is "lu si dai yi long bo?" (are you loan shark?). I was "wat da..." How did she get my number? I was totally speechless at that time. I tried to explain myself many times that i am not, but she still cant believe me. She then explained her son gave her the number. Apparently, her son, who is still schooling, owed some loan shark some money, probably through some football result gambling. The mother intended to negotiate and settle the debt. Before ending the conversation, the mother still asking the same question. Shaking my head, why dont she believe me that i am not a loan shark. My name is "zhen long", but not "along" lar >_<
Anyhow, this incident, coupled with many stories that i have heard, coupled with the loanshark menace & many financial dispute all over the newspaper, coupled with incidents that i personally encountered, all these have shown a sign that our society is getting "ill", probably still not reaching the critical stage yet, but is sick enough and getting contagious...

In the last one week, 2 person that i knew very well has come to me and ask for help financially.

One is a friend that knew for many years, never ask for such favor, but this time, with undisclosed reason, he came forward urgently.

2nd person is an elder that I respect in basketball, he is an ok person, a loving father and husband, just had a bad habit, which is gambling on the football result. He come to me with an sms of financial problem urgently too, asking for help...

Me, on one hand, i just want to help, on the other hand hate this kind of situation. Why? Because i have heard, seen and encounter situation where money will destroy years of friendship, relationship, life and even bloodline in a heart beat... if not managed properly...

I dealt before with similar kind of situation a few years back with a best friend of mine. At that time, i was quite naive. I just couldn't figure out why a person could/easily go to people that close to them and asked for money for their own pursue, such as business and dragging friendship into risk. Me, even if i am in a hot wok, i would try to fix it with my own bare hand, rather than asking for help. Of course, the con is i might demolish myself along the process. Probably i have an ego issue. But this is not about me, is about people that i care.

I probably found a reason why - "desperate people will often certainly goes for desperate measures, or even tempted to take the easy way out."

When it comes to financial pressure, they will not be comfortable in disclosing the real reason, especially when they knew that their ugly gamble habit has bring them down to their knee. Some people dont even learn after the same encounter for many times. For some, they knew that the people around them will be there to help. If person A not willing anymore, they will move on to person B and so on in their list, some conciously or unconciously trying to exploit this bond between people. It is sad to see this, especially reading notice on the newspaper declaring termination of bloodline in the family for some person...

When it comes to borrowing, they will always give a dateline of repaying back that they knew for sure they cant meet. I had heard of "i will pay you pack within a month", ended up getting it back after more than a year (at least i got it back). Again, i was too naive at that time, and it really made me frustrated after couldnt get it back after a month, because I had my financial plan at the time i lend it out with tight buffer, and i have bills to pay too...

In these 2 recent cases, i see the same 2 symptoms - undisclosed reason & with dateline of repaying. After giving some thought, and have a head-ups of what i can expect, i just couldnt see myself not helping them, at least for the first time. However, i am worried about the probability that things would go the wrong way in the future. It is really something that i dont wish to happen, but chances will. I really hope they would understand the pressure i have to go through, appreciate it and not not exploiting it anymore. I still wish for the repayment, because i need it for a purpose. The help would be a once in a life time thing, there would be no 2nd time for gamble reason. I do hope they would understand and discipline their gamble habit. It is hard to ask a hardcore gambler to quit, i just wish them not to go to far with that habit.

"I am just trying to help, not to spoil you with the help."

The best friend that i help last time is doing ok financially, at least for now. This works out ok. Although I know that at times, he does take some risks in businesses to acquire more, because nothing is enough. At the moment, he never mention about borrowing from me anymore. Instead, always remind me that if i have any financial problem, dont hesitate to go to him. Seems like he think that he "owe" me at least something since then. If he knew me best, he should know i wouldnt, even if i am in trouble financially. I would work my own way out, and also because i dont want the cycle of borrowing and lending keeps on going. Chances are, one of it would spoil our friendship.

Seems like my post turns out to be a community message... I wrote it to spill out my feeling, and my disgust for the society that getting sick...